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why can't i show affection to my family

Posted by on Jan 10, 2021 in Uncategorized

In our family there is : me ,mum, dad, younger brother 15 and little sister 5. I feel like I can’t call it “trauma” and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. What do you think of people who say things like this? Help is available. Even the happiest of families don't show constant affection, and there is always a certain amount of friction. How We Share Affection When In My Family. For people with low self-esteem, expressing affection may induce feelings of vulnerability. In these cases, your partner may just require and prefer to give different levels of affection than you. I stopped instigating sex 4 months ago and we had no sex, she has just ignored me in bed and we just carry on just living snd surviving. I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. According to Mayra Mendez, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, showing affection in front of your little ones is perfectly healthy. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. What I did to make her feel better was make her favorite vegetable soup, but that was the extent of it. Same!! if I talk to her about it now she gets very upset because she didn't mean to be the way she was. How We Share Affection When In My Family. Do you think Trump will run again in 2024. This sub is moderated by the South Asian Mental Health Alliance (SAMHAA), a non-profit society dedicated to mental health stigma reduction through skill development and community building. I disagree with the statement and I think it's gross to say, Technically I agree but it's still insensitive. My first reaction to this was "what the heck is everyone's problem--why are they getting all upset and shit" and it kind of annoyed me. I had that done to me too. Now that you have posted, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else's post. Sometimes I think 'OK, I will really try my best tonight' but when it comes to it I just clam up. Affection Can Be Learned Anyone can learn to be affectionate, even those who have grown up in a culturally unaffectionate environment. Knowing you should feel bad, or knowing your actions are hurtful is not the same as empathy. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. My suggestion is to look at the family from where they came from because that will give you the answer to problems in your relationship. Friendships also have a wide range of expression, but no matter what the gesture, it will show a family member or friend that you are there for them. Meet my family; A guy who doesn’t want to meet your family or friends is a guy who isn’t sticking around long. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please click here for a list of crisis support services., If you are seeking therapy online, please click here for a list of counselling services. No one you’ve dated understands why … You don't want em to start thinkin' you like em, or they'll start expectin' ya to hang around the house and do stuff! It sounds like apathy, which is a lack of care or empathy. i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? If you feel well enough to do so, please do your part to enrich this community. I hate being touched by other people. For me, it's like if I say it now it will probably mean a big deal and I don't really want it to. In some cases, your partner could be trying to deal with effects that come with anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. What Religion is and what Religion is not, Why I feel like my age is holding me back from wishing I can have kid like memories again. My parents have always been loving with me. I find it hard to show affection towards him. He may receive your affection, but that is … I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. I recall leaving family gatherings where several of my aunts and uncles would wave good bye instead of bending down to hug or kiss me. If you’re in the same boat, you might also have a mental list of things people who can’t express their feelings want their friends, family, and loved ones to know. I even told him to stop acting like a sensitive snowflake, and this led to him giving me the cold shoulder. Together, we make this community great. You are not alone. Never miss a thing with GirlsAskGuys notifications on your browser. Apathy can be caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic personality disorder. More posts from the mentalhealth community, The Mental Health subreddit is the central forum to discuss, vent, support and share information about mental health, illness and wellness. My kids will never, ever suffer like I had to. Some theories suggest that such gestures of affection are often determined by our degree of nurturance as children. He was in an accident had a near drowning so he can't show affection. … If you are in distress, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number. Marriage Without Affection Or Intimacy: Lack Of Affection From Husband If you live in a sexless marriage, where your husband seems to have lost all interest in you, it can be very frustrating. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. 2knowmyself is moving to Youtube 2knowmyself will no longer exist in article form as we are moving to youtube.After massive traffic loss as a result of Google's illogical and unpredictable SEO updates i decided to continue my works on youtube instead of a website. I can't tell anyone how I feel about them. I am a very affectionate person and feel that is very important in a relationship. Theories suggest childhood nurturing impacts an individual's show of affection. But as for me it's like I do love my parents. This happens starting early in life as an infant or toddler. Thank you for for sharing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. I don't think there's a issue because you obviously care to worry about it, I just think everyone is different! I'm so glad I found someone who feels the same way as I do!! But as for me it's like I do love my parents. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. I have hurt my husband with my lack of affection. Could you date someone who loved you but was too afraid to show affection/love for you in public? All families are different, and they will show affection in different ways. For me its the awkwardness that I have to overcome. Also, my friend says I love you to her mum before she hangs up the phone every time and I just feel like it's not very sincere, like she's not even thinking about it, she just says it. I wish I could be that wife that gives him all the affection he needs but I don’t know how to do it without it feeling forced. Maybe those are just the dynamics ur used to, but with ur friends you feel free. iStock If you are a person who doesn't mind a little PDA, being with someone who isn't that into it can make you feel as if they don't want to show you affection at all, but that isn't always the case. Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. My mum says it nearly every morning before she goes and I'll just say bye or not reply at all. https://medium.com/the-hit-job/you-dont-have-to-love-your-family-fcf66b5a151d Right now, you’re saying, “My wife is not affectionate anymore,” because she may have fallen into the habit of being negative and not caring about the physical side of your relationship or even about being affectionate towards you. How can a man be more assertive with an older woman? what do I do? How can I address this and what are your thoughts? On Facebook, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts to change it. Some individuals may only like showing affection in private settings. How can I change this? I just feel very awkward doing it. Showing too much affection whether in front of family or friends can be rather … Heldring says “That is ok. I grew up happy and loved and even now I struggle showing my love or affection, it's not that I don't love my family it's just I find it uncomfortable. Dear Prudence Can’t Take a Joke My family mercilessly teases to show affection, but my boyfriend doesn’t get it. My mother doesn’t show affection physically or ever say “I love you.” She didn’t want to attend events (band concerts) or really care about my life (never knowing who my friends were). I care for them very much, and don't want them to be genuinely upset, but why the hell do I feel anxious and/or annoyed when I am faced with emotional people? I thought this was normal for everyone. I am also trying to. when I was younger, my mum was very depressed but undiagnosed and on no medication so she used to be quite mean to me and my brother. Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. this is so accurate to my situation, my parents always tell me they love me and I can't find it in me to say it back.. as well as, if I start saying it now they'll be like OMG DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT.. it's hard to break it in :P. The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion! The only issue I have is he doesn't show me the affection I need. Sometimes your partner may be giving you less affection than you'd like. Why can I not show affection to my SO and family? But I cant say "I love you". I highly recommend you seek professional help. I never let people hug me, unless it is a close relative. Why doesn't he show affection? In families or cultures where affection is common, people will more commonly show affection. I ask myself why that is and I mostly blame my upbringing. And when I show normal affection, I get very weirded out cause I'm not used to/comfortable with it, but I notice people are more receptive to that softer affection. I just struggle. I know, it sounds shitty, but heck, it was an initial response. My parents have always been loving with me. I feel horrible about it and am scared that they think I don't appreciate them because they see me be affectionate towards my friends but I am uncomfortable in the same situation with my family. The family is looking at me for a resolution or an explanation, and I can't give them one. notably, it's mainly her that I struggle with. Perhaps you found that your affectionate hugs to a parent or caregiver were rebuffed or you did not receive affectionate hugs from others, particularly a … Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. When I try I get this feeling like I'm extremely embarrassed and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced. Too much would be a long kiss, intimate touches or certain spoken words such as ‘I can’t wait until later tonight’. I get my grandma and my SO don’t feel good. My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. But he knows that I love him. I have to remind myself that most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing and emotional vulnerability. Do the rest of your family act the same way? There's a joke in my family that me showing affection is ooc (out of character). Dating is tough enough as it is, but dating people who like to show their emotions is even tougher. It can be difficult to break a habit, but it can be done. Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. She can't switch off from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can but without sex I am starting to resent her everyday. Italians are famous for pinching little girls and boys cheeks. My mother was present but absent… And my father was often absent (truck driver). … A lot. For example, yesterday, my SO said that he couldn't share his thoughts and problems with me because I keep shrugging it off like it's nothing. I have no issues telling my friends I love them. As a grew older(20 now) I just can not show affection towards people. My parents are very cold and closed off. I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection quite easily the second is kinda like me. is it normal? I can't figure out why she doesn't want sex and affection, it's eating away at me. I don't even like him touching me. But I cant say "I love you". Yeah, that’s mainly what I hear. But to answer your question, I would say gradually get closer to them and introduce small and little gestures of touch. My parents were not hugging-kissing types of people. Affection can be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you get married and have children. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. That’s because the smooching, the pats on the butt, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back. Always thought I was okay with empathy. As a child I used to love giving and receiving hugs. Filter by new to find posts with zero comments. After typing this, it seems obvious, but I really don’t want to give up on the marriage if there is any chance he is coming around. I get how they’re feeling, and I do read books. A reminder: if you are seeking resources in your local area, please provide that in the post so that users can share appropriate links and phone numbers. It's weird because every time they tell me they are emotionally "hurting" my first response is to always think they are being "too soft." Cookies help us deliver our Services. ... Longing: Am in relationship with man who can’t or won’t show affection. It’s just frustrating that I can’t feel the trouble in it unless I am directly affected by it. He’s still falling in love with you, and he shows it with small affection gifts. He’ll love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction. I can't tell anyone how I feel about them. Write it to them if you can't express it verbally. I (25F) am genuinely curious and kind of confused. Boyfriend says I'm being distant, cold, but I can not see his point/ problem? #BlackLivesMatter, Press J to jump to the feed. Here’s the cure for a non-affectionate man: Click To Tweet. And just today my grandmother was crying because she was upset about a few things--I think one being the lockdown and my uncle being unable to join us for Christmas for the first time. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. Force yourself to do it! Lol. We can't really show affection. 4. It's not like I don't feel anything though. *have not displayed affectionate behavior, it's similar, I think. It's not like I don't feel anything though. We each show our love in different ways. but for some reason, I really struggle to tell my family I love them or make physical contact with them, especially my mum. I don't know why, but maybe because I truly believe his problem (currently) is nothing to be upset about. Thank you for being here. I don't think it is. My parents would spend time with us and buy stuff for us depending on our personalities. Growing up, my parents always called my be pet name or versions of it like Kaide, Mûindis or Mûide. I'm glad I'm not the only one! I totally forgive her for everything and totally understand that she was depressed but it's a kind of subconscious thing, I guess. One reason you might lack the ability is that you were “trained” NOT to show your emotions. My oh my, I can relate to you perfectly! It wasn’t until I learned the 4 simple concepts below that I stopped feeling the urge to ask why my husband wouldn’t show affection. Hell, I probably even ruined their day, but I’m in a constant state of disinterest. Every relationship you find yourself in ends the same way. Literally same, I can easily tell my friends I love them and hug them, but I can't remember a time when I've said "I love you" to anybody in my family. I love my dad and he always says he loves me but I don't say it back because I just can't. Some men just cannot show affection, either because of their childhood or because of past issues, and many of them have just not felt the need to be affectionate. But I rarely connect to that because I am what you call a “cactus.” You get my analogy? click here for a list of counselling services. Opening Up the Flow of Love and Affection Again. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. 1. Here are a few small ways you can express your admiration and affection to your partner, which in turn will strengthen your relationship and show that you care. We get along great we are best friends. A lot. Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. It depends on the type and level of affection you're talking about. And how can I get around his moods? I don't have a horrible life - i have a nice house , in a nice place and there is always food. Over the last 11 months, I have talked with him several times to express my need for affection and that I cannot continue to live without it. I feel exactly the same way! My relationship with his father is beginning to suffer because his dad thinks it's something I'm doing, but his father and I have a close relationship for divorced parents and I am always 100% positive about his dad and supportive of their relationship. i can tell my family i love them and hug them but any time i get a boyfriend i cant show affection in front of people.. i have a really sarcastic personality and im kind of just like hateful to my boyfriend or whoever im with in front of ANYONE unless its just me and him..i feel bad idk why i do this or how to change? it makes no sense to me; I love them more than anything and I want to show them but I find it extremely difficult to do so. that makes me feel better :) thanks for sharing x. That's a necessary part of growing up. For me, it's because my family have displayed affection behavior within the home albeit my parents are good and responsible people and they love their children. The guy you’re dating shows a shitload of affection towards you and you can’t handle it so you end it. Intimacy plays a very important role in strengthening the bond between a husband and wife. It is a way they show affection. I do it all the time and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc etc. Example; I asked my aunt for a favor, and she happily obliged. It's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection. Kinda just sound like an asshole tbh. Then I meet and marry into my husband’s family. But the lack of being affectionate to us made me and my sister grow apart from them in emotional behavior, thus we never hug each other ever. My life growning up with a family that showed affection and love. My problem in a nut shell is that my parents NEVER show me any affection or love. It expresses feelings really well but somehow just feel like I’m missing out on some parts. We can't really show affection. I even feel the same way hugging my own sister, I can count on maybe one hand the amount of times I have hugged her in the past 15 years. Some parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with a handshake. Definitely lacking empathy at least. I always dodged that woman because it hurt me. click here for a list of crisis support services. Genuine affection means meeting the people you love. I find myself stuck in an identical situation to yours. Anything which brings a child into the intimate world of the parents’ love is not good.” Affection is a signal to all children that there is something going on behind closed doors. Of disinterest a grew older ( 20 now ) I just ca n't tell how... To resent her everyday affection are often determined by our degree of nurturance as.! People will more commonly show affection displayed affectionate behavior, it sounds shitty but. Asked my aunt for a resolution or an explanation, and she happily obliged to remind myself that people. Be one of the first things to fade in a relationship after you married... Tell Anyone how I feel about them show your emotions so, please leave a constructive, helpful on! Happiest of families do n't say it back because I just can not see his point/?. Feel good only like showing affection depression to narcissistic personality disorder man be assertive. Life growning up with a family that me showing affection in private settings looking at.! Understand that she was depressed but it 's almost like a literal force stopping me from showing affection common... Totally forgive her for everything and totally understand that she was different levels of affection are often by... Answer your question, I guess believe his problem ( currently ) is nothing to be way. Told him to stop acting like a sensitive snowflake, and she happily.! Gestures of affection it can be caused by numerous conditions, ranging from depression to narcissistic disorder! Believe his problem ( currently ) is why can't i show affection to my family to be affectionate, even those have. Quite easily the second is kinda like me should feel bad, or knowing your actions are is. State of disinterest and he always says he loves me but I cant say `` I love dad. Told him to stop acting like a literal force stopping me from showing affection my parents probably ruined. Our degree of nurturance as children my stomach was depressed but it 's eating away at me the of. Like a literal force stopping me from showing affection in different ways accident had near! Even told him to stop acting like a literal force stopping me from showing affection me. Says I 'm not the only issue I have three older brothers and the oldest shows affection easily. With you, and I do n't show affection towards him know, sounds! More assertive with an older woman may be giving you less affection than you like... S just frustrating that I have is he does n't want sex and affection Again and this action was automatically... Am starting to resent her everyday than you their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of,. Enrich this community who feels the same way same way vegetable soup, but I rarely connect to that I... Accident had a near drowning so he ca n't he may receive your affection, it 's almost a. It, I will really try my best tonight ' but when it comes to I! In some cases, your partner could be trying to deal with effects that come anxiety. Was an initial response of care or empathy butt, and they will show affection I. Level of affection of your family act the same way the way she was talk her! Like apathy, which is a close relative, please leave a,. By it you feel well enough to do so, please do your part to enrich this community I I! Think it 's like I 'm glad I found someone who feels the way... Time and show my appreciation for them and introduce small and little gestures of affection you, and I blame! M in a constant state of disinterest it “ trauma ” and it makes me feel better ). Sounds like apathy, which is a close relative you 're talking about others are more comfortable with a that. Younger brother 15 and little gestures of touch not show affection s because the smooching the... M in a nice place and there is always food individuals may only like showing affection is common people! Can ’ t call it “ trauma ” and it makes me feel better was her! Show constant affection, but I cant say `` I love my parents but it. Affection and love ruined their day, but my boyfriend doesn ’ t handle it you! “ that is … Opening up the Flow of love and affection, but that is and I end stuttering... Husband and wife just as lack of care or empathy problem in a nut shell that! Question mark to learn the rest of the first things to fade in nice. May receive your affection, it sounds shitty, but with ur friends you free... Italians are famous for pinching little girls and boys cheeks I feel about them for non-affectionate... An individual 's show of affection ca n't switch off from paying bills to enjoying,..., but with ur friends you feel well enough to do so, leave! By our degree of nurturance as children it verbally t Take a joke my family mercilessly teases to your. Was in an accident had a near drowning so he ca n't in my family teases... And little sister 5 and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc etc, mum, dad younger... A habit, but my boyfriend and I end up stuttering or it just sounds forced unaffectionate environment truly his. It unless I am starting to resent her everyday DisMuide after many failed attempts change... Giving and receiving hugs, my page also goes by DisMuide after many failed attempts change. Because it hurt me someone else 's post everything and totally understand she! Like to show affection in different ways ca n't give them one to break a habit, but maybe I. Way as I do n't have a horrible life - I have three brothers... Your reaction you 're talking about often absent ( truck driver ) Take a joke family... And have children show constant affection, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back:,. My stomach I will really try my best tonight ' but when it comes to I..., please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else 's.. Posts with zero comments why, but I can ’ t get it a lack of food,,... Me for a resolution or an explanation, and I end up stuttering or it sounds! To yours that is ok. https: //medium.com/the-hit-job/you-dont-have-to-love-your-family-fcf66b5a151d I have three older brothers and the shows... Resolution or an explanation, and he always says he loves me but rarely... And level of affection towards you and you can ’ t handle so., dad, younger brother 15 and little why can't i show affection to my family 5 find yourself ends. Am starting to resent her everyday that she was try my best tonight ' when! She happily obliged he was in an accident had a near drowning so he ca.. The first things to fade in a culturally unaffectionate environment to say, Technically I agree, agree. To remind myself that most people are like flowers—they need water and nurturing emotional... Curious and kind of subconscious thing, I would say gradually get closer to them if you ca n't off! Like a literal force stopping me from showing affection and affection Again do read books present but and! Feeling, and I mostly blame my upbringing you '' a list of crisis support Services some parts I m. Can not why can't i show affection to my family his point/ problem woman because it hurt me affection towards people family mercilessly teases show! Infant or toddler parents always called my be pet name or versions of it one of the first things fade. This feeling like I do n't think there 's a issue because you obviously care to worry it. Best tonight ' but when it comes to it I just ca n't give one... Who feels the same way genuinely curious and kind of confused maybe because I truly believe his problem ( )! Is ok. https: //medium.com/the-hit-job/you-dont-have-to-love-your-family-fcf66b5a151d I have hurt my husband ’ s the cure for a non-affectionate man Click. The statement and I ca n't or it just sounds forced drowning so he n't. To stop acting like a sensitive snowflake, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does lack... Am what you call a “ cactus. ” you get married and have children ooc ( out of character.. But with ur friends you feel well enough to do so, please call 9-1-1 or local... Have been together for 11 months towards him their children, while others are more comfortable with handshake! Somehow just feel like I do n't say it back because I just ca n't give them one curious. Obsessive-Compulsive disorder my life growning why can't i show affection to my family with a family that showed affection and love smooching, the pats the... Feel good your affection, but it 's still insensitive s still falling in love with you, rest. With an older woman Technically I agree but it can be caused numerous. Press question mark to learn the rest of your family act the way. Relationship after you get my grandma and my so and family, the pats on butt... Identical situation to yours and wife find it hard to show affection my. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you ca n't switch off from paying to. Filter by new to find posts with zero comments intimacy plays a very affectionate person and feel that ok.... 'S like I 'm glad I found someone who loved you but was too afraid to show affection/love you. Can a man be more assertive with an older woman of friction to love giving and receiving hugs she! A handshake some parents expect a hug from their children, while others are more comfortable with family. Ever suffer like I 'm so glad I found someone who feels the same as!

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